Humans live with fears. We're all aware of that. I cannot imagine a single human being without getting scared of something like itsy bitsy spiders or some icky looking holes, that is just insane! Sticking to my premises, I'm scared of a lot of things which people usually have phobias like clowns, holes and the most featured fear-- heights. But the most I hated fear of mine is...I'm scared of being myself. I know that really sounds crazy, but I start getting shaky whenever I try to say what I want, do what I want or laugh at things I want to laugh at. (Even starting a blog!)
For how many years, I've been living as the person whom I'm really not. It's like I'm living a life of a fake person. Now why did I do that? Because that is what the society told me! Be like this then do this and that's how we can accept you! That's why I thought our society is sick and cruel. It always have this standard where if you don't reach it then you don't belong here. That Is why I always want to be somebody else because I thought that is how people will accept me. But I guess I'm wrong, because by doing that, I never felt any true love from anyone. I am surrounded by fake people like me and it sicked me to death. So I paused for a while and asked myself, "Am I happy?". No matter how much I convinced myself but the answer is always a "NO". Why? That's a big question for me that time.
I've searched everywhere without knowing that the answer is just within myself. I'm not happy because I'm not myself anymore. I want to try fixing myself but the fear of being outcasted is
conquering my mind. I don't know what to do, I don't know where to go, I feel like I'm lost in a
massive labyrinth. So I prayed and asked for the courage.
God did not only give me the thing I asked but also the answer to my problem. Know what it is? It's realizing that people will love you no matter what you are, you just have to be yourself all the time. Don't be afraid if society will look down on you or insult you, what is important is that you are happy with the life that God gave you. That's it!
Honestly speaking, I'm still on the process. Haha. It's hard to unattach yourself from something you've grown up with. So I came up with this idea of blogging. It's good to share experiences with other people. Blogging, for me, is like having a cup of tea with your pals. You each talk about the things you wanted without pulling yourself down.
I'm feeling good now that I've started something I always want to do. Oh! You may wonder things about me, like who the hell is this girl haha, well don't worry about it because you'll know me in my
future blog posts (I promise!). But for basic information (Yeah, like things on the bio-datas), I'm Anisah Lingga, 18 years of age and studying Business Economics at MSU-Main, Philippines. Oh! I'm so addicted to green tea too and talked random things while taking a sip of it (sort of tradition because of my family). Hoping to know my future tea pals! Yayyy!
Anyway, thanks for reading! Till the next tea time pals!
